it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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