If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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