listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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