You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm like, not good at living.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
