i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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