He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
