There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The power of my boobs compel you
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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