WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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