i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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