Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Less talking, more tequila
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
