she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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