During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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