Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
