It's just like the Real World with babies
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
