The brown eye won't let me do that either.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
