you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
