she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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