then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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