So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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