The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
