And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
