I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
