I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
