your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I am one with the molecules
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
