I accidentally had phone sex last night
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
