Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
