I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
