I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
