So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
