her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
