So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize