remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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