I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
