I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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