I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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