she woke up with a sticky ear
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
