Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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