So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
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