If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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