The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
