direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
