her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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