so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You ruined the universe
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
