sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
