turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
