You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
