He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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