I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
