i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
