All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
