He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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