The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
