Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
