holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
