i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
