I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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