Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
