I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
