Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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