"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
