Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
