i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize