well I can't set my house on fire every night
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
