I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm too high and old for this...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
