Don't you send me to vm
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
