You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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