is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize