guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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