Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
