Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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