Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
