I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
