Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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