I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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