I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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