cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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