I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
high people should be assigned attendants
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
