textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
