My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You need Xanax blowdarts
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
