morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
