a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
