I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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