I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
